I married myself after separating from partner of 20 years
Robbie Fincham, 57, had depression after having several unsuccessful dates and separating from her partner of 20 years
NEW LIFE: Robbie embarked on a journey of self-discovery and self-care through therapy and meditation (Photo by Soul Child Photography/PA Real Life)
In a quirky and empowering move, a woman has taken the plunge and married herself after years of unsuccessful relationships. Robbie Fincham, a 57-year-old marriage and funeral celebrant decided to tie the knot with herself as an expression of self-love and acceptance.
Complete with a white wedding dress, ring, and bridesmaids, Robbie's ceremony was attended by her loved ones as she made her vows into a full-length mirror. Now, she has launched a unique business called "Marrying Me" to help others become sologamists and celebrate their independence.
After a 20-year relationship with her children's father ended in 2015, Robbie experienced feelings of sadness and depression. After four years of unsuccessful dates, she sought therapy, which helped her begin the journey of self-love and finding happiness in her own company.
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In a light-hearted moment during a conversation with her sister about her unsuccessful relationships, Robbie jokingly suggested marrying herself. However, after some contemplation and encouragement from her sister, she decided to turn the idea into reality.
On her 55th birthday, on February 7, 2021, Robbie held a symbolic ceremony in her front garden, surrounded by her close friends, her two daughters as bridesmaids, and her sister as the celebrant. The ceremony was a heartfelt affair, with Robbie, from Melbourne, Australia, speaking her vows into a mirror, symbolising her commitment to self-love.
Robbie wore a wedding dress put a ring on her finger, and spoke her vows into a full-length mirror, which she found “quite profound” and after the big day she felt “so elated”, thinking “maybe this is what brides feel like”. The support from her friends and daughters was overwhelming, although some had initial reservations about the unconventional idea.
Robbie now has a business, Marrying Me, helping others become sologamists, people who are married to themselves, as she wants to help them “express a powerful statement of self-love and self-acceptance”. In the future, she is unsure if she will ever get married to anyone other than herself, but asserts they would have to be “very very special” as she is “very happy solo”.
Talking about the time in 2015, when her 20 year relationship with her children’s father broke down, Robbie said: “It made me incredibly sad, and the sadness morphed into depression, so I took myself off to counselling and it probably took me a year to start feeling better again. My councillor described me as having anticipatory grief, the grief of not having something that you really desire, in my case, an intimate relationship.”
After Robbie could process the grief of losing her partner, she began to realise the importance of self-love. She said: “Through therapy and meditation, I realised what was missing in my life was the love for myself, before, I really thought that I was incomplete without a man in my life but what I really needed to do was to learn to love myself.
“So, I started honouring myself and my feelings, I started looking after myself, taking myself out on dates, doing things that I really love, and I became happy in my own company. That very strong desire to meet somebody, and have a relationship with that person just washed away.”
In summer 2020, Robbie made the decision to make the ultimate commitment to herself and marry herself and a year later, on her 55th birthday, she had her wedding ceremony in her front garden. “I wrote the ceremony and my vows, which I said into a mirror, which was very therapeutic, I had an entrance to a beautiful piece of music,” she said.
Robbie's self-marriage is not legally recognised in Australia, as it is purely symbolic. However, she doesn't let this dampen her spirits, and she has embraced her new status as a self-married woman. As a celebrant, Robbie now helps others who wish to embark on a similar journey of self-love and self-acceptance, offering ceremonies and guidance.
By Molly Powell, PA Real Life
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